doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
