it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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