I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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