That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Randomize
