wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
