shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
