their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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