Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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