I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
