i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
