i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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