I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
