Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
