sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
