just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
