Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.