Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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