I'm really into asian looking animals
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?