They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
