Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Houston, we have a blender
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
