I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
