i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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