and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
