I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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