I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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