Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
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I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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