When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
