I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
