he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
