don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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