My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
