oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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