Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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