True but thats because hes a fetus.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
