Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
