Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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