I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
where does the pee come out of this thing
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
