Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
