I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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