i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
