it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
