Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize