those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
