Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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