By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
