Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
