I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
