is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
