Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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