So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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