So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm passing your future prison.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
