I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
