Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just invented taco cereal.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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