no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
