Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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