He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
