I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
