Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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