my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
