I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
