I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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