This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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