what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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