i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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