thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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