I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Randomize
