Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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