I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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