11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
