My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
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if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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