Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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