if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
