i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I faked an abortion last night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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